LOTR: Dark Lord Sauron, MBA

Can confirm: having the Eye of Sauron upon you as the Dark Lord himself tears apart your marketing material is.. terrifying.

First comes manic whispering in black speech (and don't get me started on how problematic a name like "black speech" is), then the screaming in your head as the Enemy brings forth the weight of all that is evil in this world upon your soul.

I would do anything to avoid having to bear this burden. Anything but let Samwise Gamgee hold my jewelry.

Remember our good friend, Frodo? A few months after Frodo and I fixed up his resume, he reached back out to me: not only had he gotten a new job, it seemed to be going great!

For a while.

Then, as his new job took him on routes unforeseen – as our sweet hobbit friend ended up in the land of shadow – his work caught the attention of a higher-up: the Senior Vice President of Marketing, Dark Lord Sauron, MBA.

You won't find these details in the canon, but let me tell you: Frodo spilled the tea in our session.

The wrath of Sauron

Sauron took Frodo for a ride. Frodo had installed Slack on the One Ring and it was buzzing off the chain. Message after message tore into Frodo and the quality of his work.

Sauron took issue with Frodo's handling of Smeagol: he wanted Frodo to send Smeagol away and continue his journey without him.

Frodo showed kindness and pity to Smeagol. Others, even Frodo's dear friend Sam, showed him contempt. But early in his travels, Frodo got the advice from his mentor Gandalf that Smeagol had a role yet to play in the events to come. Frodo took this insight with him throughout his adventures, making sure not to burn bridges with the creepy, crawly creature.

Sauron derided Frodo's kindness, listing each opportunity that Frodo had where he could have rid himself of Gollum (Sauron's preferred nickname for poor Smeagol). But this was the first time Sauron mentioned Gollum explicitly to Frodo. Sauron did not make clear what he needed of Frodo. To be charitable, at best Sauron was reacting poorly to disappointment that Frodo did not meet his uncommunicated expectations.

And then there’s the irony of Sauron's misplaced anger: in a trippy, Terminator-time-travel style line of reasoning, some speculate that Frodo actually chose to destroy the ring just to stop the angry Slack messages from Sauron. In a very real sense, Sauron shot himself in the foot (or threw himself in the volcano) by letting loose such an unprofessional reaction on Frodo.

Managing up (or down, into the fires of hell)

There are many lessons to take away from Frodo's quest. The first question we might try to answer is this: how do you manage the emotions of a being forged from evil incarnate?

I feel like I get this question about every tech company past a Series B funding round.

While I wouldn't recommend throwing your phone into Mount Doom to silence an SVP's fury, setting and maintaining boundaries is a skill to hone, even with a "superior". Before I get any further, I want to be clear on the only two possible outcomes of establishing a reasonable boundary in a work context:

1. The person respects the reasonable boundary
   1. Thus, you are able to find a solution together
2. The person does not respect the reasonable boundary
   1. Thus, the inevitable conclusion is that this workplace is not one where you can maintain a reasonable boundary

There is not a third option. Frodo was convinced that if he could just change how he felt about Sauron's behavior, if he could grit his teeth, start doing yoga, or somehow alter his perspective, maybe he could get by without having to set a boundary. This very understandable desire that Frodo had – a desire that we all have at times – was unfounded.

There is always a reason your gut says "this doesn't feel right". The solution is never to ignore your gut and stifle those feelings. The solution must always start with asking yourself why does this situation make me feel this way? You may find there is a parallel experience you've had, that your gut is speaking out to say "Frodo, Sauron is questioning your competence! This is just like when Mrs. Underfoot harangued you for forgetting to put paprika in the stew!!"

Before getting too deep into the ins and outs of mindful awareness of your own emotions – which is key to navigating a healthy career – we can quickly put a bow on this one: Sauron was unjustified and unprofessional in his behavior.

That is to say: the burden is not yours alone in maintaining boundaries. A healthy relationship (including a working relationship!) would reveal healthy boundaries put responsibility on both sides: when Frodo clearly communicates his own boundaries to Sauron, Sauron bears just as much responsibility then to respect those boundaries.

That's right: even your manager, and everyone in a leadership position, is responsible for practicing respect for boundaries set by their employees. If a manager does not respect reasonable boundaries, and the organization stands behind that manager in this, the culture of that organization is flawed.

If this is the case, in all likelihood: I think you should leave.

Are the Forces of Sauron a toxic organization?

Yes.

But also, more generally: what could Frodo have tried rather than destroy the One Ring?

Were there steps Frodo could have taken to see if the organization had ways of supporting individuals against those in power? Are there checks on maniacal SVPs looking to conquer the realms of men and elves?

As we've noted, the circumstance was inherently a loaded one, with Frodo on the receiving end of a torrent from someone officially several stations above him. There are a few phases and tactics Frodo can utilize here:

1. Phase 1: When the flames spew forth from the dark maw of Sauron
   • Keep cool
   • Ask for clarification
   • Take notes
2. Phase 2: After the lava cools
   • Talk to HR

Phase 1: When the flames spew forth from the dark maw of Sauron

Keep cool

Reacting live will almost never yield positive results. As with conflict in any realm of life, a message delivered with vitriol and uncontained anger is just a poor way of communicating the message, "I need to be heard." Yelling, harsh language, etc., comes out when the speaker feels they are not able to yield change by other means. They feel that other methods will not or have not worked.

That being said: a person in power yelling, using harsh language, etc., also will not work. But we can still use an understanding of the behavior’s source to better manage it in the moment.

So, when the fire flies from the jaws of the beast: keep cool. They're not going full toddler to get you to prove them wrong. They want to get a message across, and they feel that this is the only way to do it.

Ask for clarification

Paired with keeping cool, the only way to move forward in the conversation (to the limited extent we can call it a conversation) is to let them finish and echo back what you hear, asking for clarification that you understood them right.

This is not a time to be sassy. This is not a time to be witty or biting. This is a time to separate the content from the container: "What I hear from you is that you would have rathered I send Smeagol away sooner. You foresaw his role in destroying the One Ring and wanted to prevent that. Am I hearing you right?"

Take the wind out of their sails. Make them feel heard, sweet Frodo, my boy.

Or you can just exit the conversation. I mean it: calmly removing yourself from the situation is an acceptable response. The worst they can do is continue yelling. Know that none of it is relevant to you.

What Sauron did by unleashing his wrath was that he made his own behavior the real problem. Even if Sauron had been justified in the content of his critique – he was not: Sauron’s goal is the end of humanity – he fully delegitimized it through the container of his critique. By letting out his inner Balrog, Sauron made himself the real villain of this story.

(Emphasis: Sauron is in a position of power. Nuance allows us more compassion for the disempowered employee to express frustration with less restraint. A good manager appreciates an issue communicated well, and also has the compassion and wherewithal to be curious and get at the core of a grievance surfaced via more raw communication.)

Take notes

The best means of self-preservation here is to have receipts. Ultimately, any external arbiter (like HR) will have to review a formal complaint based on evidence. By taking notes, Frodo is one step ahead of Sauron.

I'm not sure what Slack's retention policy is on the One Ring, but copy-pasted chat messages, screenshots, or handwritten notes (if a verbal conversation) are all viable.

Phase 2: After the lava cools

Talk to HR

HR serves one real purpose: to protect the company. This might be intimidating or disheartening as an individual employee, but a key element here is that HR wants to protect themselves from bad managers, too.

"What about politics, Peter? What if Sauron has the ear of the CEO?"

If that's the case, I direct you back to the two possible outcomes of setting a boundary: if HR protects management against genuine breaches of conduct, the organization is lost.

No sense holding to yourself after an encounter with a sour exec. Take it to HR – the worst they can do is back up Sauron, which would prove out that the org is not one to stay in.

The folly of Sauron

What could Sauron have done differently? How could he have better managed his unending fury?

This, I'll dive into in a future installment of LOTR – subscribe to get the latest advice on traversing the land of shadow.

And if you see yourself in Frodo, book a session. First one's free.

Let's make work suck less.